May 08, 2006
Gutless Wonders
By now we've all seen Warnie in his nude romp with a couple of models, captured nicely by the News Of The World overnight.
Sure, it's smutty. But I have a certain grudging respect for publications that are so baldly open about their smuttiness. The first time I opened up The Sun to page three, I was frankly shocked and more than a little thrilled to see Simone from Somerset (who is studying economics and loves going dancing with her girlfriends) smiling back at me, Venutis proudly on show. "Hello there," she seemed to be saying. "You seem like a nice fella. How do you like the look of my knockers?"
But it was honest. "If you want tits, lads, here they are."
So, editorial staff at The Age, don't treat us as morons by trying to pass the Warne story off as "news". I know, you saw a brilliant yarn, complete with tits, and wanted in. But your self-righteousness wouldn't allow you to simply run the story - it's little more than a tawdry piece of tabloid entrapment and you know it. So you tried to dress it up as some sort of commentary on the vapidity of the English press.
"Another sex story has appeared in the British tabloids." (Filthy bastards - but check out the photos!)"
"Pictures in Sunday's edition of the tabloid News of the World show Warne and two 25-year-old models involved in sexual positions with a blow up toy." (Tabloid! They don't have Michelle Grattan! But phwoar! That's the biggest rubber cock we've ever seen!)
"One of the models, Coralie Eiccholtz, has known Warne for a few years." (Dirty English tart. You should be reading Ross Gittins intead. But before you do, check her norgs!)
If you want to show tits, Andrew Jaspan, just show tits. I will judge you accordingly (and probably enjoy it just a little bit). But don't treat me as an idiot by dressing it up as news. It's pretentious and condescending and insulting.
Filed under Media
Comments
I hadn't seen them, actually, but now that I have, can I just ask: Surely I'm not alone in thinking these are about the least sexy photographs ever taken?
I've read several recent, post-marriage pieces on Shane which made me like him a bit - he admitted his faults and said things like, 'I feel really bad that one day I'll have to explain this to my kids.' And just when I was all, 'Aw, Shane,' he goes and does something like this. It's not the act[/s] itself that bothers me, it's that he's dumb enought to get caught -AGAIN- and this time looking doughy in his y-fronts as he stares awkwardly at a blow up wang. Explain *that* to your kids, pal.
As for The Age, you're right, but I've long considered it a tabloid anyway. Sigh.
Posted by: jellyfish at May 9, 2006 12:35 AM
I spent far too long thinking about the Warne thing and I came to this conclusion. Leaving explanations for his kids to one side, has really done himslef any harm? The thing is, he's now technically single - so he hasn't lost as much moral ground as he did through technically cheating on Simone. The people who think he's a fuckwit will continue to do so, and the peopel who reckon he's grouse (which I don't know, but suspect might be blokey types) will probably think he's a legend for bagging two topless models who then talked about how good he was.
Can I please add a disclaimer: I'm dismayed that I bothered to think that much about it, let alone write it down. And I DON'T Think it's THE most important issue in the universe. Its somewhere between climate change and th equitable distribution of global wealth.
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The correct terminology, I believe, is "slappers".
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