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February 22, 2006
Hooray For Australians!
Oh, look. The Queen has hosted a reception at Buckingham Palace for prominent Australians. Somehow Clive James and Germaine Greer found their way onto the bill.
Tell us, Clive. What piercing insights did you share with "Aussie Liz" about the country you left twenty-odd years ago to "interview" "celebrities" on your "talk show"? (And what ARE The Weather Girls doing these days, anyway? I'm simply DYING to know.)
There's lots of us here. We're starting a colony.
MARVEL AT HOW HE CUTS TO THE QUICK OF OUR NATIONAL PSYCHE! (we are a travelling people!)
And then...
What can I say, nice house.
GASP AT HIS MASTERFUL USE OF SARCASM AND UNDERSTATEMENT TO CLEVERLY MOCK OUR HEAD OF STATE (while bowing to her and calling her "Ma'am").
And Germaine, you dedicated anti-authoritarian, you. What did you have to say of that wrinkly old bitch who has your beloved homeland (where you haven't lived for twenty-five years) by the short and curlies?
She has got good taste in art, and she knows the value of every single painting down to the last fiver. (And also, "thumbs up, Aussie mate!")
BE ASTOUNDED BY HER CUNNING COMBINATION OF WORLDLINESS AND CONDESCENSION! (as she curtseys (belligerently) to "Her Maj").
CHEER AS SHE "STICKS IT TO THE (WO)MAN!"
BE AMAZED AT HOW EASILY SHE STRADDLES TWO CULTURES!
Three cheers for Clive and Germaine!
Posted by Peter at 11:17 PM | Comments (92)
10 Points For Effort
It's not at all original for one to write about spam they have received from Constance R Platitudes or whoever. Normally these fabulously-named types merely provide a list of drugs (what the hell is Cialis, by the way?) or software. No flair, no imagination. No panache.
But when you receive this...
...how can you resist?
That's right. It's the Ninja Turtles' arch-nemesis Shredder giving it to white-socked Channel 6 reporter April O'Neil. With the mask on. Kinky bastard.
Posted by Peter at 07:38 AM | Comments (3459)
February 16, 2006
Where's The Beef?
The meat, as they say, is in the subtext.
Michael Leunig is angry that his work has been appropriated and entered in a competition to find the best Holocaust cartoons. He never intended for his work to be used in this way. How that is different to Leunig juxtaposing (someone else's) 50s-style photographs of blissfully happy couples with blank speech and thought balloons to comment on the emptiness of contemporary existence, I'm not sure. I can only imagine his frustration that once his work is published he is unable to dictate EXACTLY HOW IT MUST BE READ.
Still, he's upset. So upset that he wrote perhaps one of the most self-indulgent and condescending op-ed pieces I've read in a while. Modestly entitled "Amid the pain, God puts his hand on my shoulder". God is with him, apparently, as ibises flutter in gum trees and kettles boil in rural homesteads. How earthy. Yet spiritual. Us city folk with empty lives have no idea what we're missing out on. (ie Enlightenment you latte-sipping imbecile).
But the kicker was Michael Gawenda's slapdown piece today, where he has a crack at Leunig for playing the victim and neglecting to condem the "racist exercise" that is the cartoon competition and, amidst other things, suggests that Leunig, as the highest-paid cartoonist (or even journalist) in the country, should pretty much just get over it.
There's a fair bit of distaste bubbling away between the lines of Gawenda's piece. Dropping in the fact that Leunig is extraordinarily well-paid is a particularly dirty trick. It plants in the public mind the idea that Leunig gets paid an obscene amount of money, thus shouldn't whinge so much. And suggests that maybe Gawenda's not all that keen on Leunig? Or has clashed with him in the past? Or was bent over by him in contract negotiations?
I await Leunig's response. I love a media bitch-fight.
Posted by Peter at 12:43 PM | Comments (9)
February 13, 2006
An Open Letter To Dick Smith
This post is simulcast on HandcuffedLightning, and submitted as a Letter to the Editor of The Age.
Dear Mr Smith,
We support your efforts to maintain an Australian heritage. Your recent efforts to prevent logging of Tasmania's Recherche Bay, your ongoing dedication to establishing Australian publications like Australian Geographic and the Australian Encyclopaedia and finally your Dick Smith Foods range are valiant attempts to promote a self-sustainable Australian culture and heritage.
Like you, we appreciate the logic that '[t]here are two key reasons to support Australian-owned companies – profits stay in Australia and jobs are created for Australians. If every Australian redirects $10 per week from foreign owned companies and foreign made products to Australian, Australia would save $4 billion per year and create 100,000 new jobs.' And of course, the use of your name and image in connection with these campaigns has indelibly linked you with the Australian made campaign.
But probably the most prominent use of the Dick Smith name and image is by your original business venture, Dick Smith Electronics. The website for Dick Smith Electronics explains the decision to use your name and likeness even after the sale of your business.
It's terrific that, well after the sale, the public still knows your face and associates you with a particular set of values.
Marketing material for Dick Smith Electronics states that 'a team of buyers scour the world looking for suitable products.' The list of brands stocked by Dick Smith indicates that this search is not in vain: the vast majority of brands for sale in DSE outlets are imported. Anecdotally, this observation is borne out by our latest trip to Dick Smith Electronics, to buy a (Chinese-made) DSE-branded stopwatch.
We would be interested to know how you reconcile the use of your name and image (both before and after the sale of your business) to endorse imported electronic products with your ongoing and passionate campaign to promote Australian products.
We look forward to hearing from you.
Peter (Glutbusters) and Clare (HandcuffedLightning)
Posted by Peter at 03:12 PM | Comments (84)
February 10, 2006
Warnie
Christian Ryan's short essay on Shane Warne (on cricinfo) is surprisingly moving for a sports site.Posted by Peter at 03:03 PM | Comments (4)
I love Virgins
Get along to Virgins if you can. It's a ripper. It wouldn't be disastrous if you had to leave after the first show either - the other two aren't nearly up to the same standard.Posted by Peter at 02:25 PM | Comments (6)
Tim Blair = not funny
Tim Blair's sorry attempt at "satire". Stick to being a smug prick, Tim. Comedy's not your thing.Posted by Peter at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)
Subbies Of The World Unite
Headline of the week (from The Age):
I'll take Hilary Duff, please. Sassy little tart.
Posted by Peter at 01:46 PM | Comments (6)
The "dysfuture"? Please.
If "living in the real world" means I have to interact with self-righteous tossers like you, Chas Savage, I think I'll pass.Posted by Peter at 10:31 AM | Comments (3)
February 08, 2006
Come On Guys, Please
I tell you, amateur theatre is a tough gig. People tend to think of talentless hacks poncing around in an interpretive dance-type arrangement, or lots of nudity (not the good kind), or turgid "explorations of love and loss". Yawn.
In reality, we work our tits off to give you a professional show on a shoestring budget. Sometimes we succeed. Every time one of us does, it's another step towards showing the public that amateur theatre has a shitload to offer.
But every time someone goes with a promo shot like this:
It's about FIFTY STEPS BACK!!
Could you possibly look any more like tossers? Could your production of "Rent" - about AIDS and homophobia and DYING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!! - appear any less "edgy"(TM)? Was the blue Artful Dodger cap a good idea in hindsight? Is that a serious facial expression from the guy on the far right, or is he just taking the piss?
I'm sure you do good work, Stella Entertainment. But please, spare a thought for the rest of us down here in the trenches.
Posted by Peter at 11:43 AM | Comments (3454)
February 02, 2006
If You Need Me...
... I'll be spending the weekend on one of these:
Drinking these:
Eating this:
Isn't she beautiful? (when barbecued medium-rare).
Then reclining here:
Come and sit on Uncle Peter's lap, kids.
Suffer.
Posted by Peter at 03:33 PM | Comments (6)
February 01, 2006
St Kilda song
Memo St Kilda football club: Before "rocking up" your club song courtesy of Ross Wilson, compare and contrast the Swans song (all four-part harmony and horns) with the simply awful "Heave-Ho" of the Fremantle song. Or the only marginally better "We're The Eagles". Rocking up. Just say no. (PS Memo The Age: It is not front page news, not even in the sports section).Posted by Peter at 10:33 PM | Comments (4)
"Are you ready to unlock your sexual potential in an adventure of self-discovery through untamed passion and incredible pleasure? If you said 'Yes', then you’re ready for Pherotones, the ringtone secret that can make you irresistible to the opposite sex." (My favourite: Testosteroni).Posted by Peter at 10:44 AM | Comments (333)