Glutbusters

DISCLAIMER: Those of you hoping for a I've-never-written-into-Forum-before-but-I-just-had-to-share-the-experience-
I-had-recently-in-a-spa-at-my-local-pool story, button your trousers, because unless you find 19 inches of Sony Trinitron hot you're going to need a cold spoon.

The other night, I finished my swim first; being the X-treme athlete I am, I had got there earlier and knocked off half a dozen K or so. So I was in the spa as my friend finished her swim.

Right. Act 1 complete. I'm in the spa, me and another innocuous-looking bloke. Toothless smiles exchanged. I thought we'd go about our business of relaxing. Then he opens with:
So. Been to Tasmania?
Alright, we're going to smalltalk. Fair enough. Yes, I replied. I have been to Tasmania.

That was pretty much the extent of my contribution to a conversation (ha! conversation) that lasted upwards of twenty minutes. Because The Amazing Bore-Man took me on a mind-numbing journey through such riveting revelations as his mental calculation of the fare on the Spirit of Tasmania -

So I reckon if it cost you $520, and that's for two people and a car, then it'd probably cost me around $300. That's not bad, considering I want the car and hiring it would be expensive.

- from which he seamlessly segued to his car -
I've got a six-year-old Mitsubishi Verada. Yeah, it's going alright. I'd need to get the airconditioning fixed if I was going to Perth (oh, didn't you realise? We're onto Perth now.) and that's expensive. I mean, I got it re-gassed but that didn't really do the job so it'd probably be about six hundred bucks to get that fixed. Re-gassed. Tell me more.

- to his employment history (a clumsier transition) -
Yeah, I've applied for a couple of jobs. I've got a pretty good record, I mean, I've only had like six jobs since I started working twenty-two, no, twenty-three years ago. I'm in IT (you don't say) so I'm pretty employable. and OH MY GOD WILL YOU STOP TALKING PLEASE.

Fortunately my friend arrived and put a stop to this man's life-sucking spiel.

Sorry, I must have forgotton to delete that sentence. He didn't stop at all. He was invigorated, inspired by a new smiler-and-nodder. Listen, blank-faced audience of two, while I regale you with tales of

- my home computer -
I've got broadband now, you really notice it, particularly with my new computer. I can't remember the exact specs of it (THANK CHRIST) but it's heaps faster than the old laptop I had it on. That was about five or six years old, I reckon. Probably six.

- my computer's monitor -
I've actually got a 19" Sony Trinitron. I mean the technology's a bit old now, cause everyone has the LCD screens, but when I bought it it cost be about $1700 and it was far superior to the Philips and the other brands.

- my experiences with other types of displays -
I've got an LCD TV now. But I've only got the standard definition box, not the high definition one, so when you're up close it looks fine but from a distance it blurs and looks a bit strange. Because it's about four pixels to one. I think I'll get a bigger one, cause when you think about it, a two inch monitor differential could translate to thousands of pixels. I know people are concerned about plasmas running out, but when you do the sums (and boy, have I) it works out at like eight hours a day for twenty years. More if you watch less than eight hours a day.

In the end, me and the friend gave up any pretence of engagement, and just stared blankly into space while he talked on, numbed as we were by his monotonous drone. The end came when, in a stunning display of circularity, he closed with:

So. Been to Tasmania?