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November 30, 2005
Do You Know These Ladies?
I beetled back into my office the other day to find this photo on my pinboard:
Aside from the excitement that comes from unexpectedly (courtesy of an office mate) encountering an original 1981 photograph of Gough (check the very 80s rounded corners on the print), I was baffled as to where it came from.
Who are the women flanking EGW? Are they policy wonks? Devoted fans? Mistresses? Where are they? What are they doing there? Could that really be Alan Partridge's assistant Lyn on the left?
Please, if anyone knows these women, speak now.
Posted by Peter at 11:44 AM | Comments (8)
November 24, 2005
Rocketing Into The 80s
Me and a gang of keen shoppers went to Camberwell Market on Sunday morning. The ladies were after clothes. I, however, had set my sights a little higher, and openly declared that all that would satisfy me, alongside a bag of cheap crap I will never need again (Exhibit A: the faux-wood, bottle-shaped bar lamp), was this:
An original Nintendo Entertainment System.
Yep, ever since I was shipped to Japan for a convention as a 10-year-old, and spent a week communicating with my host-brother Kei in the universal language of Nintendo, I have yearned to again play Super Mario Bros 3. I missed the Nintendo boat in Australia; we had a Sega Master System, then a Sega Megadrive, and only got on the bandwagon late in the piece with a Nintendo 64.
The only thing that surprised me about the whole process was how easy it was to find it. After abandoning the girls trying on dresses or talking about their feelings or whatever the hell they do, I browsed for a while and there it was. $45, with Mario 3. I talked him down to $30 then casually strolled away to give the impression that I couldn't care less whether I bought it or not - I figured I could squeeze him for another free game maybe. But on my return, that guy wasn't there, my bargaining came to nought, and I paid full price. Shafted.
But that bitter taste evaporated when I got it home, cleaned it (with a cotton bud and metho, dur) and cranked it up. It was everything I remembered, and more. Remember? You have to pick up the first turtle shell and throw it at the box if you want the leaf to give you the tail. (This was a clever bit of design - you couldn't pick up the shells in Mario 2, so they set you to figure out that you could right at the start of the game.) And what do you know, I was 10 again.
Sure, I could approach this now-antiquated system with a smug sense of "irony", a nostalgic remembrance of my youth that's so popular these days, but that would be disingenuous. Because it is sensationally fun. And Super Mario Bros 3 is a brilliant game - it's so simple that anyone can have a go, but it has so much built into it that it can entertain someone (eg me) for hours. So I wasn't surprised when online reviews consistently described it as "the pinnacle of 8-bit achievement". Because it is seriously rad.
And, if that isn't enough, it was the feature game at Video Armageddon, the video game competition that brought 1989's The Wizard (a barely-veiled Nintendo commercial featuring TV's Fred Savage - click the link for an awesome review with pics) to its dazzling conclusion. (Oh, and it ripped its plot straight from Rain Man).
So, I'm on eBay after Bubble Bobble, Double Dragon and Mega Man 1, 2 or 3. Any other suggestions of Nintendo gold? I will invite you round to play it. And if anyone knows where the second warp flute is in Mario 3, I'd be very appreciative of the tip.
Posted by Peter at 08:08 AM | Comments (7)
November 21, 2005
Strike Two
And The Age has done it again. After flogging off its front and back pages to Richard Branson on Thursday, Friday brought this horrendously insensitive juxtaposition of article and ad:
"The bad news, mate, is that they're going to hang you. But we saved a packet on the flight over here!"
(Thanks to Sarah for the heads-up and the image).
Posted by Peter at 03:04 PM | Comments (11)
November 19, 2005
Glutbusters was quoted in The
Glutbusters was quoted in The Age today. Insight section. In Blogworld, a column curiously not in the online edition. We'll show 'em.Posted by Peter at 11:28 PM | Comments (5)
November 18, 2005
Ladies' Night
The other night I had some friends over for dinner. Five ladies, as it turned out. You wouldn't know it from this blog, but in a dinner party situation I generally talk a lot. But with these five girls, I found myself unable to contribute much. Instead, I was in the unfamiliar position of listening for most of the night (I know, I should do it more often - I'm learning).
These are some of the things we (they) talked about:
FLOWERS
Yes, sending them is a cliche. This does not matter. Girls still want them. One exception: under no circumstances should they be purchased after midnight from the 24-hour florist on the corner of Lygon and Pigdon Streets, North Carlton. This is irrefutable evidence of infidelity, guilt, or incapacitating drunkenness.
BLOW JOBS
(light obscenity warning from here on in)
In which it was revealed that there exist girls who just "love being on their knees with a big cock in their mouth". Outwardly, I gasped in shock with everyone else - who are these submission-loving gals? Inwardly, I gasped in shock alone - where were these chicks when I was laying down my groove in seedy bars?
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
In which one of the girls revealed her experiences and her stick-it-to-the-man response involving lodging an offical complaint to HR then staring her harasser in the face during a mediation and "reminding" him (he'd forgotten, apparently) of his dirty past. Naively I thought that this was the absolute minimum action a woman would take if she was sexually harassed at work.
Imagine my surprise when the unanimous response of the other four - all of them intelligent, driven, funny and extraordinarily impressive women to whom I frequently look up - gasped in admiration, and declared that they would be reluctant to do the same. The way their workplaces operate (two top-tier law firms, a state government department and a prominent consultancy) such a decision could mark the end of a career.
Now these women are financially secure, brilliant educated, and terrifyingly intelligent - supposedly at the top of the list of those benefitting from advances in Sexual Discrimination law and the like. They are professionals who work for organisations that have thorough and generally fair rules about sexual harassment, and fairly straightforward procedures for dealing with it. I was stunned that reporting an incident in which they were sexually harassed was something that they would have to think long and hard about.
And frankly, I am embarrassed that I don't understand the depth of what girls are up against. Lads, we have it easy.
No, don't complain, we just do.
PUBLIC TOILETS
In which it was revealed that the mens' dunny at a Melbourne pub has a large translucent window that looks over the restaurant, not that you'd know it was translucent from inside the dunny. But through it those aforementioned girls can be seen (mainly by the weary staff) silhouetted and dispensing the aforementioned blowjobs. Men reciprocating is just as visible, but not surprisingly less common.
PREGNANCY
In which I learnt, or at least had retrieved from the dark corner of my mind marked "information you probably won't ever need", that it is possible and reasonably common for a heavier-than-usual period to actually be a miscarried fetus. As The Redhead put it: "you can be just pregnant for a little bit". Chalk up another potentially-traumatic, physically inconvenient thing that the ladies have to deal with.
NATURAL GLOW
It actually works. A quick dusting will furnish you with a healthy glow (much like the wholesome types in Richmond's new organic supermarket - someone feed those girls half a dozen cans and a pack of darts, please.) And a year's supply (one tub thing) can be purchased from most pharmacies, often with a free brush. Get into it.
Posted by Peter at 08:06 PM | Comments (3538)
November 17, 2005
Don't Believe A Word Of It
The Age website today would have you believe that this was the front page of the print edition:
That is, in fact, a lie.
The front page of the print edition was part of a four page wraparound ad for the new frequent flyer program of that airline owned by that swine who has made billions of pounds sterling convincing the punters he's on their side while skinning them for profits.
I know newspapers rely on ads to turn a buck, but come on...
Posted by Peter at 03:29 PM | Comments (10)
November 16, 2005
Deutschland, Deutschland
I first understood that the World Cup was special when, at the age of 11, I sat with my father in a cheap motel somewhere in rural Victoria at 3am or some ridiculous hour, watching what I was told was one of the greatest upsets in world football: Roger Milla's Cameroon beating Diego Maradona's Argentina in the early matches of World Cup Italia '90. We followed Italy in those days (my father was born there) and a couple of weeks later Dad shook our bunks, back at home now, and urged me and my brother to the lounge room immediately - it was Italy v Argentina in the semis, and it had gone to penalties.
We lost, and so began an education in the cruelty of the penalty shootout. Italy, led by Roberto Baggio, would go on to make the final of World Cup USA '94, to be beaten by Brazil. On penalties. Again. Baggio and captain Franco Baresi missing their shots.
But tonight I could leave Italy behind, for now my country is on the way to Germany to stand with the giants of world football in the greatest sporting event in the world. No longer do I have to imagine a connection to men with strange names, a stranger language, and a shirt none of my mates wore. Now those I follow will have grown up in Dandenong, Keilor, Penrith. They grew up eating Paddle Pops, drinking Solo, watching Double Dare. Their roots may be as far flung as mine, but they are my countrymen.
And on their shoulders will my hopes rest.
Godspeed, Socceroos.
Posted by Peter at 10:51 PM | Comments (25)
The US Senate has voted
The US Senate has voted to allow Guantanamo inmates the right to appeal their convictions by military tribunal. Maybe next they could consider allowing them to appeal their imprisonment.Posted by Peter at 07:40 AM | Comments (6)
November 15, 2005
Rally-ho!
Social action. You've gotta love it. I know I do.
I loved it this morning,
when 150-odd thousand turned up in Melbourne to stand united against JHo's industrial relations changes that threaten to set workplace relations back a hundred years.
And I loved it a few years ago, when an elite band of clandestine revolutionaries spread a top secret missive to the residents and guests of the Cohuna Caravan Park, urging them to meet at the toilet block to oppose the "Boss's" decision to ban fires (for insurance reasons - money-grabbing scum), thus depriving them of the social glue that held their little tent village together.
It's not about sending a message to whoever's decision you're trying to change. That's important, but for me it's about knowing that whatever the fight may be, I'm not alone. That there are people out there who feel the same way, who have the same problems, who will stand alongside me. Some of them are my mates, others I may never talk to (probably because of their terrifying handlebar moustache). But I know that in the dark moments when I think it's too difficult, they're with me.
Strength in unity, comrades.
Posted by Peter at 09:39 PM | Comments (9)
November 10, 2005
Ladies Against Feminism. They deserve a whole post. And they'll get one soon.Posted by Peter at 02:59 PM | Comments (0)
November 09, 2005
Wild Bore
Right. Enough of the self-righteous ranting of the last couple of posts. Now it's time for some good old-fashioned personal anecdoting.
I swim. Or barely-keep- myself-afloat-in-a-splashing-whirl-of-arms-and-legs-that-defies-the
-most-hardened-stroke-correction-coach. But I do it a couple of times a week. Often with a friend who is something of a web-celebrity (or the innocent object of a deranged man's crush, who can tell?) Anyway, the highlight of these "swims" is the spa after. A chance for actual conversation rather than spluttered inanities between laps.
DISCLAIMER: Those of you hoping for a I've-never-written-into-Forum-before-but-I-just-had-to-share-the-experience-
I-had-recently-in-a-spa-at-my-local-pool story, button your trousers, because unless you find 19 inches of Sony Trinitron hot you're going to need a cold spoon.
The other night, I finished my swim first; being the X-treme athlete I am, I had got there earlier and knocked off half a dozen K or so. So I was in the spa as my friend finished her swim.
Right. Act 1 complete. I'm in the spa, me and another innocuous-looking bloke. Toothless smiles exchanged. I thought we'd go about our business of relaxing. Then he opens with:
So. Been to Tasmania?
Alright, we're going to smalltalk. Fair enough. Yes, I replied. I have been to Tasmania.
That was pretty much the extent of my contribution to a conversation (ha! conversation) that lasted upwards of twenty minutes. Because The Amazing Bore-Man took me on a mind-numbing journey through such riveting revelations as his mental calculation of the fare on the Spirit of Tasmania -
So I reckon if it cost you $520, and that's for two people and a car, then it'd probably cost me around $300. That's not bad, considering I want the car and hiring it would be expensive.
- from which he seamlessly segued to his car -
I've got a six-year-old Mitsubishi Verada. Yeah, it's going alright. I'd need to get the airconditioning fixed if I was going to Perth (oh, didn't you realise? We're onto Perth now.) and that's expensive. I mean, I got it re-gassed but that didn't really do the job so it'd probably be about six hundred bucks to get that fixed. Re-gassed. Tell me more.
- to his employment history (a clumsier transition) -
Yeah, I've applied for a couple of jobs. I've got a pretty good record, I mean, I've only had like six jobs since I started working twenty-two, no, twenty-three years ago. I'm in IT (you don't say) so I'm pretty employable. and OH MY GOD WILL YOU STOP TALKING PLEASE.
Fortunately my friend arrived and put a stop to this man's life-sucking spiel.
Sorry, I must have forgotton to delete that sentence. He didn't stop at all. He was invigorated, inspired by a new smiler-and-nodder. Listen, blank-faced audience of two, while I regale you with tales of
- my home computer -
I've got broadband now, you really notice it, particularly with my new computer. I can't remember the exact specs of it (THANK CHRIST) but it's heaps faster than the old laptop I had it on. That was about five or six years old, I reckon. Probably six.
- my computer's monitor -
I've actually got a 19" Sony Trinitron. I mean the technology's a bit old now, cause everyone has the LCD screens, but when I bought it it cost be about $1700 and it was far superior to the Philips and the other brands.
- my experiences with other types of displays -
I've got an LCD TV now. But I've only got the standard definition box, not the high definition one, so when you're up close it looks fine but from a distance it blurs and looks a bit strange. Because it's about four pixels to one. I think I'll get a bigger one, cause when you think about it, a two inch monitor differential could translate to thousands of pixels. I know people are concerned about plasmas running out, but when you do the sums (and boy, have I) it works out at like eight hours a day for twenty years. More if you watch less than eight hours a day.
In the end, me and the friend gave up any pretence of engagement, and just stared blankly into space while he talked on, numbed as we were by his monotonous drone. The end came when, in a stunning display of circularity, he closed with:
So. Been to Tasmania?
Posted by Peter at 09:44 AM | Comments (7)
November 04, 2005
Rad. Good weather again. It
Rad. Good weather again. It won't last, but hey.Posted by Peter at 11:02 PM | Comments (0)
Anti-Terror Australis
Let me be the first to exclaim "Hoo-fucking-ray!"
It appears we are supposed to feel a warm fuzzy of faith in our democratic system because our new draconian legislation (with bi-partisan support - sigh) is not being used to IMMEDIATELY impinge upon the rights of citizens that the government has long-wanted to detain.
As if the fact that our rights won't be crushed tomorrow is some sort of consolation, nay, grand prize, for the fact that they may well be crushed in the future.
LATER: And what do you know. Another lie.
Posted by Peter at 10:00 PM | Comments (8)
November 03, 2005
Glutbusters might be a bit
Glutbusters might be a bit weird for a while - my wonderful designer Virginia (whose site is a masterpiece) is giving it its regular service.Posted by Peter at 05:23 PM | Comments (0)
Get Your Rants On
There are few publications, print or otherwise, that I loathe as much as MX. The sight of hundreds of people gleefully picking up their copy ("Awesome, a free newspaper, how generous. Now, what shall I consume next?") for their train/tram ride home makes me want to somehow obtain a job lot of cheap, readable paperbacks (I don't know, Dickens or Tim Winton or something that rollicks along - nothing too heavy) and stand by the little MX dispensers saying "no, don't take that, take this. It'll respect you in the morning". Unfortunately the lure of a double page spread on Lindsay Lohan's tits is too much to resist for most (including, sadly, me).
But there's plenty of shit out there (I got a free subscription to The Bulletin - yawn) why spit such vitriol at MX?
Because it is shamelessly a dumbed-down version of the Herald-Sun. Let me say that again, it derives its content from a newspaper that already appeals to the worst elements of human nature with techniques of generalisation, jingoism and straight-out selfishness, but DUMBED DOWN. And it doesn't even have the (mostly shonky but occasionally bold) journalistic ethos of the Hun.
Because it demonstrates our willingness to consume what is little more than advertising, just because it's free.
Because it is able to blithely report, say, the death of 10,000 (admittedly brown) people in a landslide in India, or another 3,000,000 Africans infected with AIDS, in a sidebar entitled DOOM AND GLOOM.
Because over the page from Doom and Gloom is BORING BUT IMPORTANT, a handy little sidebar precis of such sleep-inducing events as the election of a new Bulgarian Prime Minister, or a coup in Latin America. A tacet perpetuation of the idea that, sure, things are going on around the world, but you don't really need to worry about it as long as you have A NEW TV (see full-page Megamart ad, opposite).
Because it has the nerve to describe itself as "concise, upbeat, intelligent and sexy". Read: "able to be read on the train while texting and eavesdropping on the conversation across the way, no bad news (because there isn't any, really, when you think about it), covering Europe in a paragraph, and heaps of tittie. (Celebrity tittie if you're lucky)."
And because we seem to love it.
Posted by Peter at 09:18 AM | Comments (14)