Glutbusters

July 02, 2005

Best Lonely Hearts Clubman

Hi! Thanks for logging onto "Man Up", the AFL's online matchmaking service.

There are three (3) matches for your search queries:

sensitive, fun-loving, gentle.

FRASER

G'day, my name's Fraser. Umm, I haven't really done this sort of thing before. Yeah, I'm gentle and shit, whatever. Got rid of the mullet last year, so pretty sensitive. And I get fashion and all that faggy stuff. Check me shirt. I love going out and having a good time. You know, nothing silly. Just a few shandies with some mates then home in time for Taggart. Some of the boys cut loose every so often, but I'm not really into all that stuff.

So yeah, give me a call. Love to catch up for a coffee, whatever. I'd prefer an anti-diuretic, but I'm easy.

STEPHEN & LEIGH

Stephen: Hi there, girls!
Leigh: G'day!
Stephen: I'm Stephen.
Leigh: And I'm Leigh.
Stephen: The boys call me Milney. The ladies generally call me Steve. Or the accused.
Leigh: The accused, yeah. Me too. Or Leigh. Whatever. I play football.
Stephen: They know that.
Leigh: Oh, right. I've got really muscly arms.
Stephen: Leigh, shut up, you're ruining it.
Leigh: Sorry.
Stephen: Yeah, it was all a bit of a misunderstanding that accused stuff.
Leigh: Yeah, yeah. Misunderstanding.
Stephen: It was just me and Leigh, you know and... um... God, what was her name?
Leigh: Shit.
Stephen: Oh, what was it?
Leigh: Ummm....
Stephen: Hang on, hang on... Nope. Gone.
Leigh: Anyway. Top bird.
Stephen: Top bird, yeah. So it was just me and Leigh here and whatsherface and that other one...
Leigh: Shit.
Stephen: You were keen on her.
Leigh. Yeah. God, I don't think I even knew her name then.
Stephen: Right. Top bird, though.
Leigh: Oh, yeah. Top bird.
Stephen: So. Just us. Boys will be boys, you know. Nothing in it.
Leigh: What did they say about it?
Stephen: Insufficient evidence.
Leigh: That's it. Insufficient evidence.
Stephen: So hop on, ladies. We're clean
Leigh: If we could get twins...
Stephen: Shut up, Leigh.

WAYNE

Hi. Oh, geeze.

long pause

Sorry... but...

long pause

Hi there. Phew. It's been a while since... you know... I've been in the game. God. Where do I start? Um... since my wife and I... oh, I really don't want to go into it. It was mutual, is all I'll say. But I've been a bit lonely. Was in Adelaide for a while. Back home now.

sighs

So yeah. Give me a call. I'm after companionship. Looks aren't important, really. Not to me. When I'm with a woman all I really see is her soul, her spirit, you know.

Thanks for visiting "Man Up". Hope you find the right "match" for you!

Someone's got their work cut out for them.

Filed under Sport