June 04, 2005
Ways To Lose Your Job: #1
When I see stuff like this, it makes me wish I was 14 again.
That's Jessica Biel from TV's 7th Heaven. And if we just ignore the fact that she's SITTING IN A BASIN, we can appreciate the seriously twisted sense of logic that dictated to Jessica that getting her tits out in a men's magazine was sufficiently aberrant to 7th Heaven's super-nice image that the show would release her from her contract, freeing her up to pursue a glittering film career with BFI Top 100 films like Summer Catch with Freddie Prinze Jr. Character name: Tenley Parrish. Make of that what you will.
I always wondered about that show, anyway. I could never quite put my finger on it, but they were all so freakin' kind and religious that I figured some seriously sordid shit must have gone on behind closed doors. Like maybe the Mum liked getting it up the arse from the Rev, or those nasty-looking brothers had a penchant for swapsies a la the St Kilda Football club.
The point is, though, as a young lad you spend your life panting at hot chicks on the telly, hoping that one day, you know, if you play your cards right, and you're both stuck in a lift, and it's REALLY hot in there, and you shoot her that killer look, you might get to see her boobs. Well, don't lose faith kids, cause dreams really do come true.
Filed under Media
Comments
Does appearing on Ellen DeGeneres count as sordid? Is lesbianity a sin? (no, don't answer that). Man, that girl is fighting to get out.
Posted by: Virginia at June 5, 2005 02:48 AM
'Swapsies'. Hee!
Posted by: Desci at June 12, 2005 08:24 PM
I'm afraid that as far as nudie pictures go, this one does nothing for me.
The strange, granny knickers?
The hunchback?
The inexplicable perch on a basin?
Come on Jessica, you can do better than that!
Posted by: Tuppence at June 13, 2005 11:34 AM
Tuppence,
Dead right. Shocking undies. Terrible hunchback. Basin. (Again. Basin.
But none of this would have mattered to me at 14, trembling with adolescent horniness as I fingered the pages of my nude Jessica magazine. And all totally legal.
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