June 30, 2005
Cop That, You Bastards
Or... Classic Dummy Spits Throughout The Ages
Mark Latham - 2005
Nine months or so after crashing to an election defeat at the hands of John Howard, former Opposition Leader Mark Latham's biography arrives, pointing the finger from beyond the political grave at:
State Premiers Carr, Beattie and Gallop: "A-grade arseholes"!
Kim Beazley: "a conservative, stand-for-nothing type of leader"!
The media: "drama queens"!
Ah, youse are all a pack of cunts!
Curiously silent on Mark Latham, though. Classic tanty stuff.
Jeff Tarango - Wimbledon, 1995
Pat Rafter said of Jeff that "he couldn't play tennis very well". Not to worry! The little known American player guaranteed his place in the annals of the game's greatest dummy spitters on the hallowed courts of the All England club. Dissatisfied with a line call, he remonstrated with umpire Bruno Rebeuh, who stood firm. He told courtside spectators jeering him for his petulance to "shut up", called the umpire "the most corrupt official in the game" and when docked a point for a code violation, packed up his bat and ball and went home, leaving his wife to slap Bruno for his troubles.
If you're calling that out my wife is SO gonna bitch-slap yo' ass, motherfucker!
Eric Cantona - Selhurst Park, 1995
A classic straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back story: the day Cantona did his nana. Premier League. 1995. Manchester United v Crystal Palace. Cantona, the gifted Frenchman. Able to do seemingly impossible things with a soccer ball. Famed for punching his own goalkeeper in 1987. Blessed with the ability to hack opposition ankles with an unusual brutality. Red carded after one such hacking, he stalked to the bench, his Gallic temper bubbling. A stray comment (allegedly racial) from "fan" Matthew Simmons was all it took to send Eric flailing into the crowd, studs up, to land a deft kung-fu kick on Simmons. 120 hours of community service (and a fair old knackering on the fence) followed.
Fuck World War 1! You English are all wankers!
Normie Rowe / Ron Casey - Midday with Ray Martin, 1991
Blue-haired ladies around the nation got the shock of their lives in 1991 when a debate on republicanism degenerated into schoolboy violence. Shock jock Ron the republican sneered at muso Normie the monarchist and Vietnam vet, called him a "bloody hero". Normie stalked across the stage, called Ron a "low rat". Ron stood up to take it like a man. Normie pushed him back into his chair. Ron sprung to his feet like a man possessed and landed a cracker on Normie's jaw. Ray shat himself. Security guards intervened. Awesome.
Yeah! That's the bloke! Had a fight with Ron Casey on Ray! Yeah!
Peter from Glutbusters - Peter's House, 1982
My third birthday. Hear that? MY birthday. So all you little pricks sucking down fairy bread and red cordial on my dime, you just get your filthy hands off my new toys. Play with the old shit, I don't care, just don't touch the new stuff. Don't touch it! I don't care if you gave it to me, it's mine! What's that, Mum? You're going to lock me in my room? Fine! See if I care! I'll just fire a parting shot:
"YOU CAN ALL GO AND GET FUCKED!"
Three years old. I'm not proud. I remember watching the kids from my mother-wardened prison, eating ice-cream out of those square cones. Pricks.
Contributions to the Dummy Spitting Hall of Fame welcome. Apply within.
Filed under Politics
Comments
Ha - love it.
I think you can add Richie Vandenberg's "animal unleashed" incident against Essendon last year at the G. Eight weeks I think he got. Never seen so many full-blooded punches connect with heads on a football field (or anywhere for that matter). He's an angry little man.
And who can forget a certain incident outside a certain Latin music venue some years ago that saw a now greatly missed resident of Warrnambool, literally juming up and down on the spot and screaming with rage at her beloved. Good times, good times.
Posted by: Mot at June 30, 2005 01:36 PM
Heh heh. Way funny. The Normie / Ron biffo was totally brilliant. Especially when the other woman panellist cried, 'No! NOOO!!!!!' as Normie went for the throw. Added to the pathos.
Posted by: Jo at June 30, 2005 10:40 PM
Mot,
If I went for it, the sporting dummy spits could go all night. Richie, indeed, just snapped. What of Mike Tyson and Evander's ear? ("My kids have to eat", was his cryptic response). Or Peter Moore chucking his 2nd place medallion into the MCG gutter? Or Phil Carman headbutting an umpire? Or that other guy (Adam 1.0, you know who I mean) who pushed the umpire over then laid into a spectator as he left the field. Or, for currency, Frank Farina blaming Les Murray for being sacked. (Les? Our Les? As if.) So much gold.
Jo,
Normie and Ron will live in our hearts forever. Thanks for the memories.
Posted by: Peter at July 1, 2005 05:40 PM
I had a similar dummy spit to yours. At creche I had a crush on the bad boy (of course) and learned lots of special new words from him. On a particularly naughty day at home, I was put outside for 'Time Out' and ended up running up and down in front of the windows, banging on them with my little fists screaming 'Ya fucken mole! Ya fucken mole!' at my mother. I don't think my nice, touchy-feely hippy former social worker mother has ever forgiven me.
Posted by: jellyfish at July 2, 2005 07:34 PM
Normie was entirely justified.
I may or may not be saying that only because he's my godfather.
Posted by: Tuppence at July 5, 2005 10:44 PM
Clearly, it wasn't just Tyson's kids who needed to eat.
With Latham, though, although the implosion is horrendous, some of it's true - I'd be amazed if even the most diehard true believer HASN'T thought that Beazley was "a conservative, stand-for-nothing type of leader" from time to time.
Finally, an honourable mention: In the great tradition of doing your nana when the party machine works against you, Bob McMullan has also been having a cracker recently.
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Got a few minutes - then do a search of "airbag" on youtube.
Wrote a letter to John Howard the other day.
Put "Prick, Canberra" on the envelope.
He got it.
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